Christmas Countdown Day 2: Dominic the Donkey

At the risk of offending my Italian friends and readers (I have readers?) I have decided to poke fun at that adorable little mobster of a donkey, Dominic. Be warned, this bit of rabble-rousery contains many Italian stereotypes, but so does my bashing of it. Dominic opened the door, I just walked through it.

So anyway, this little Christmas jingle jangle is about an Italian Donkey named Dominic (Dominique?) who helps Santa out when he goes to Italy because the reindeer are unable to climb the hills there.

Are you kidding me? I may be off on my Christmas lore but can't Santa's reindeer fly? Is that the whole point of him having those particular reindeer? My theory is that the reindeer, what with their ability to fly, can handle the hills of Italy just fine. Santa actually owes a favor to Dominic's cousin, Mario, the Italian Christmas Plumber. Maybe Mario saved Santa from Bertoli DiGiorno, the Italian Christmas Pizza maker. In return, every Christmas Santa has to pretend that he needs the help of Dominic so he can feel special.

Verse two, we find that Dominic actually is the one in charge of the little town on the hill. He wears the mayor's derby is just another way of saying he's got the local government in his back pocket. It goes on to say that one of the gifts he brings is a pair of shoes for Louie. What it doesn't tell you is that these shoes are, in fact, cement, as Louie is meant to sleep with Fredo, Sergio and um, I don't know, Wario the Italian Christmas Fishes as well as Michelangelo, the Italian Christmas Ninja Turtle.

Verse three, we find that the kids speak Italian to Dominic and he understands. What this is in reference to is not so different from that scene at hhe beginning of the Godfather where people go and petition the Godfather on the day of his daughter's wedding while wishing that their first child is a masculine one (it's okay if it's a girl, so long as she's butch.) Dominic can't refuse any petition made to him on Chrismas. It's a strange tradition, but it's 100% true. I looked it up.

If I offended any of my Italian Christmas Readers out there I'm very sorry. I think I'm still a little upset at the ending of the Sopranos and am taking it out on Dominic.