Christmas Countdown Day 1: Christmas Wishes

Today marks my 3 weeks until Christmas countdown. What am I going to do for this quaint little series of posts counting down to the yuletide? I'm pretty sure that I just gonna make fun of Christmas songs. I was riding around in the car with the Christmas carol radio station blaring out the window and actually thought that there are a number of songs that I would like to dissect and make fun of.

Today's song in our 21 Songs of Christmas is Anne Murray's Christmas Wishes.

This song is about what Anne Murray would wish for if the fabled Christmas Genie decided to grant her three wishes.
What might these three wishes be, I hear you asking by using my super-hearing granted to me by the fabled Christmas Genie last year?

Wish one:
Anne Murray wishes for peace on earth, good will toward men and love in all that we do.

Noble enough, but unless my counting skills have failed me that's all three wishes right there. Now I know that this SHOULD really count as one wish, but I also know genies don't work that way. Wording is always always always important when dealing with genies, especially those of the Christmas variety. Most genies would count this as three wishes and she'd have spent them all on, essentially, one thing. Assuming she finds the even more fabled Christmas Genies that doesn't take every wish you make so damn literally she moves on to her second wish. I learned that the hard way when I wished for an autographed copy of Doctor Faustus. Now I have a copy of Docotr Faustus that's been autographed by the elusive Christmas Genie.

Wish two:
She then wishes it would go on forever for people like herself and the person she's singing to. Probably some dude.

Anyway, she only wishes that her first wish goes on forever for people like her. Everyone else can go fuck themselves. Her second wish is that people who are not like her get a taste of peace on earth and have it violently ripped away from them like so much old wallpaper. While this is not what she meant, she is dealing with a genie, who will take her words literally. This is why I need to be a Canadian. That way if Anne Murray gets her Christmas wishes I won't have to worry about the fallout of the second wish.

Her third wish makes me laugh.

Her third wish is contingent on the other wishes being used up already and is simply that her third wish would be to share her wishes with the person she's singing to.

She says that her third wish would only be so if her other wishes came true aka were used up. If I was the guy she was singing to and she said "I got three wishes and I get to share them with you. At first I'd be excited until she said, "I got world peace for all Canadians. That took me two wishes and for the third wish I get to share my wishes with you."

"Oh, so you used them up." I'd say. "I don't have a say in what we wish for? Because clearly you don't know how to deal with the elusive and fabled Christmas Genie."

"But..."

"No 'buts', Anne Murray. You really screwed up this time... what was that last wish for? To rub it in my face!? Blow me, Anne Murray"

And she would have to, because that was my third Christmas wish from last year.