Pregnant? We Can Help!

Yesterday I purchased a brand new reclining office chair with a built in massage function. So as I write this I'm feeling a very relaxing sensation on my lower back paired with a very annoying humming sound. I'm not sure if the trade off is worth it, but I'll be sure to let you know.

Anyway, on my way back from Office Max, I passed by a Salvation Army building with a sign posted out front that read: "Pregnant? We can help!"

Now I understand what the intended purpose of this message is. I know that this sign is for people who actually are pregnant and might need the comfort of knowing that if there ever was a problem the salvation army will be there to help. Very noble of them.

However, let's go the other way. Let's say that a young couple are driving by after a month long of failed attempts at baby-making. They see the sign, "Pregnant?" No. Of course not. They've been trying so hard to get pregnant but Jimmy's sperm count is in the low teens. "We can help."

They can help. How? Do they have a magic means of increasing the amount of able bodied seamen in Jimmy's armada? Since it's a religious organization, did they find a way to impregnate Susie via the holy spirit? Is there a big guy named Frank whose count is in the upper trillions who will, for charity, bone Jimmy's wife. It's for a good cause!

In fact, that's a brilliant idea. Ladies, anyone wanna go halvsies on a kid?