Christmas Countdown 8: Christmassacre

Peanut Butter and Chocolate. Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. Some things were simply meant to be together, their union making all right with the world. And then there's this mix of Christmas and Hate Rock, which undoes everything that Peanut Butter and Chocolate worked so hard to create. One of the main offendees is Christmassacre by From First to Last

The thing that disappoints me about this song is that I always thought it'd be the perfect title for a Dethklok Christmas parody song. Now if that happens the whole thing would feel somewhat lessened by this crap. You know they're going to do a Christmas single, and that it will be the most brutal Christmas single of all time.

There are many things fundamentally wrong with this song. The chorus has two charges.

The first charge is for listeners not to forget their Christmas cheer because Santa's gonna die this year. Santa's going to die by the hands of From First to Last and there's really nothing you can do about it. Fair enough. You can't have a brutal Christmas song without threatening the life of Santa or the Baby Jesus at least once.

But then the second half of the Chorus, word for word, is:

"Pete Wentz plays in Fall Out Boy
Here's his number, girls and boys:
847-40-0-48, 1 and 4."

Maybe this is so you can thank him for all his work with the Invisible Children foundation and his support of the Displace Me program.

But this is a Christmas song... where the message is clear. Call the guy from Fall Out Boy. Just call him. He'll be happy to hear from you this season, your call will really brighten his day.... and also kill Santa.